Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
