I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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