Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
