I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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