Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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