She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
