its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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