I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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