He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
