Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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