Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
