Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
