I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
