Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(254): View more from Texas

I am coming home for anal

(254): View more from Texas

* a nap*

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(614): View more from Ohio

If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up

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(712): View more from Iowa

That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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(419): View more from Ohio

The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle

(1-303): View more from Colorado

It's like earning obesity badges

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He's on the porch naked. Help.

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(925): View more from California

Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.

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