Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
