I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
