I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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