i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
