I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
