Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
