D3 body, D1 cock
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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