Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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