Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
