Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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