so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
