i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
