Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
