i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
