I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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