yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
