yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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