literally had 100 drinks last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hippo gnu deer
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
