If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize