my phone needs a breathalizer
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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