I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
