apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
