Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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