All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
