She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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