ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
