We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
