that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
