Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
