Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
