just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize