I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
