how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
