we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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