I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
