I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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