The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
