Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
