He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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