Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
