when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
