Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
