I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
