Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
