Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
