the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
