She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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