we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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