booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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