Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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