He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
