Can Purell be used as lube?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
