We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
