i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize