Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
