broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
