Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
