Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
