Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
