i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
