one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
