what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
