You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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