My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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