Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize