I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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