we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
