So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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