who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Someone signed my nipple.
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