My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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