my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
