dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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