dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
