Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? đđ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
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