I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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