i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
