My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
