I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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