I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
