I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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